The Winter Hangover

In the past few weeks, I’ve chopped off my hair, gotten my nose pierced, and started wearing choker necklaces in the search for some excitement. Yet, despite all this, I still feel tired, bored, and hungry. Usually for chocolate. Okay, always for chocolate.

If I was a bear, right now I would be curled up in a ball with a large drool puddle on my pillow. But alas, I was not granted such a luxury and instead must don my puffy jacket and venture out into the 6°F weather to get all my human things done.

For a while this weather is magic. The first snowfall feels like Christmas, even if it’s on Halloween. There is an indescribable beauty of a crystal clear sky when even the clouds have deemed it too cold and the sun on snow makes the everything look drowned in glitter.

We play in it. We take artsy photos in it. We dust off snowboards and ice skates. The whole world is a frosty glass of eggnog.

But then, you step outside one morning and your freshly washed hair instantly turns to icicles. You scrape the ice off your car for the 1000th time, your fingers getting red and numb (Because you didn’t bring gloves. You never do.) Snow falls into your shoes and melts on your socks. You climb in your frigid car and maybe you fishtail once or twice on the way to work. Then, when you walk from the parking lot to your building, your nose hairs freeze and you slip (with a pretty subtle recovery) on a patch of ice by the door. You didn’t see it because everything in the whole state is covered with a layer of caked, white salt dust.

It’s a day that comes each year. It’s the day you’re over winter.

 Ew Winter-3


Living in the Midwest is like drinking. We get excited about winter like a night of going out. It always starts out fun and exciting, but eventually, you end up wondering why you chose this life and if there is any way to reverse your decision.

It’s usually right around February that the winter hangover sets in. When your alarm goes off and you open your eyes to a still dark room hating everything, you have it.

February is the sweet spot of winter madness. Winter has been around for so long that you can’t even remember what it’s like to sit on leather without shivering. You start crying over googled pictures of beaches and wondering if your veins will be visible if you get any paler.

You start to ask yourself things like; are tanning beds REALLY that bad for you? Are my student loans REALLY more important than a trip to Florida for spring break?

Yes and yes.

Just like a bad hangover, you’re pretty sure you’re going to feel terrible for the rest of your life, but don’t fret. There is hope. If you squint really hard you can catch a tiny glimmer of April shining at the end of the tunnel. Sure, the grass will still be brown and the trees will still be naked, but there will be little sprouts. Most of them weeds, but they will be the most beautiful weeds you’ve ever seen. And do you feel that 50°F breeze? That’s shorts weather, baby.

By June, you’ll have forgotten that whole winter thing happened. Do you know how I know? Because you’ll still be here next November, with new boots, waiting anxiously for the first snow fall.

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