An Apology Letter for Being a Sh*t Friend

Hello Friend!

Since we just passed a holiday all about love, I thought I would take this time to reach out and apologize for being such a shitty friend, since I love you so much.

I’m sorry that I never remember to text you back and that I haven’t made plans to hang out for a couple months. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you. It’s just that I’m a lazy bitch who is too busy watching Netflix and complaining about how tired I am to make an effort to show the people I care about that they matter to me before we all die and become part of the meaningless abyss.

I’m also sorry that I only remember to tell you happy birthday because of Facebook. I love your birthday almost as much as I love you and I’m so excited that there is a day to celebrate how great your existence is, but I rarely know what day it is. I remember the date of your birthday, I just don’t notice when it’s happening.

I’m sorry that on the rare occasion that we do hang out, I’m always late. I’m super excited to see you and I value the time we spend together, but I always take too long getting ready (because you’re so pretty and I’m just trying to reach your level since we’re going out in public together) or get lost on the way to your new apartment. I always excuse it because I figure that you know me and know I’m going to be late. You know, because if you know that someone sucks it makes it okay that they suck.

I’m sorry that once I get to your house, I have a habit of talking about myself a lot. I don’t get to spend a lot of time with you and I feel like I have to catch you up on everything that’s happening. Of course, I’ll listen to what’s been going on in your life, but it’s possible that I might accidentally talk about myself a little bit more. I’m sorry I’m a self-centered asshole.

I’m sorry that I’m a little emotionally distant. I probably (definitely) should have said something when your dog died, but since we never really talked about it, I just pretended that it never happened. I knew that it was sad for you, but I’m super awkward about serious stuff and super selfish about putting myself in awkward situations. You really deserve a friend who can talk to you about that kind of stuff.

I’m sorry that I never tell you enough how much I love you. You are one of my favorite people in the world and I am so very lucky to have you in my life. I wouldn’t trade you for anything and I love every second that we spend together. I’d drag my useless butt off the couch to take a bullet for you any day.

Lastly, I’m sorry that I’ve never thanked you for putting up with my terrible, eye-roll inducing, mess of a self. Even though your clenched jaw shows me when you have almost reached your limit with me, you continue to let me eat all your food and take up your half your bed.

Anyways, sorry again for being shit. I’d say I’ll try to do better, but we both know I won’t.

Love you!

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