I believe in soulmates, but not in the way that most people do.
I don’t think there is one person out there in the world who you might stumble across that will complete some missing piece of your soul. Instead, I think you will come across a few people in your life who you click with instantly and they bring a warm feeling to your chest whenever they’re around. You sometimes start to wonder if past lives might be real because there is just no explanation for comfortable you feel around this person right away.
The most important difference about my soulmate beliefs is that your soulmates do not need to romantic. In fact, I think having a platonic soulmate is equally as important as finding a romantic one.
We’ll call them your friend-mate.
But Kierstyn, isn’t that the same thing as a best friend?
No, it’s deeper than that.
When you’re in a romantic relationship, such a big part of it is compromising. You have to work together to decide where to live. You have to start folding your clothes and putting them away because your hamper full of clean clothes drives them crazy. You have to choose if your children will be raised Catholic or Buddhist. You adjust things about yourself and your lifestyle to accommodate this other human who is affected by everything you do.
With your friend-mate, none of that stuff matters. You can be exactly who you are, with all of your most annoying personality traits, and they will love every bit of you. They might call out on how anal you are or be annoyed while dragging you home when you get too drunk, but it doesn’t make them love you any less. Not even a smidge.
You feel comfortable being the most honest version of yourself with them because you know they’ll never leave you. There is no fear of your friend-mate dumping you due to unreconcilable differences. They know how you are and have already decided that you’re great and they would like to keep you around. Even if you do something that they would never do, they just say something like, “Well you’re a dummy,” and move on.
The comfort in these kinds of relationships also means that they don’t take a lot of work. You can go for months without seeing your friend-mate and when you meet back up it’s like no time has passed. With acquaintances, there is this pressure to keep up the hang-outs and text conversations to make sure they stay interested in you as a friend. With your friend-mate you don’t worry about that because you were meant to hang out forever, so you know they’ll never lose interest in you.
I’ve seen my friend-mate anywhere from every day to once in six months for the past nineteen years and I have no fear of our friendship dissolving. Time has no effect when your souls are best buddies.
Friend-mates are also your endless listening ear. There is nothing you can’t tell your friend-mate because it’s rarely ever about them. There are always things in your life that you have a lot of feelings about and need to get out. Your friend-mate is the unbiased, non-judging person who will listen to every word and offer advice that is best for you, not just what the safest solution would be.
They care about you. That’s why even on the rare occasion that they are the thing upsetting you, they would do anything to make it better. I’ve only been angry at my friend-mate once in our entire friendship and she didn’t even know I was mad because I couldn’t bring myself to be mean to her in any way. Once I finally told her, she apologized immediately, even though it was totally stupid. Friend-mates just want to be friend-mates even if it means apologizing for something silly.
The final and best thing about friend-mates is that they will love you in a way that no one else ever could. They have seen every side of you. They’ve heard every insane thought you’ve ever had. They snuck raw cookie dough from the fridge with you and they let you stay for weeks at their house while your dad was in the hospital, but never once brought it up.
I am confident that I love my friend-mate more than any other soulmate ever could. Her boyfriend can fight me if he doesn’t agree.