Hey, it’s your girl Kierstyn, back with another unpopular opinion.
I feel like every post I see online from people my age is about “millennial dating” or “how hook-up culture is destroying America one dick-pic at a time.”
So here’s the unpopular part: I don’t think dating culture has changed at all. Sure, it’s morphed with technology and we now have access to things like Tinder and FarmersOnly.com, but if you really believe that casually doing the nasty is a new concept that derived from an emotionless and screen-addicted pack of 20-somethings, they why don’t you go ask your parents about the 60’s.
People have been getting it on with friends, getting ghosted after first dates, and having mismatched expectations of relationships since the dawn of time. I’m pretty sure that hit it and quit it was originally found carved into a cave wall.
Maybe I happen to live in a very unique population, but I’m twenty-three and almost all of my closest friends are in relationships that they’ve been in for years. They met their partners through mutual friends, started hanging out, clicked, told each other they had feelings and boom: dating.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s the same way people have always paired up (I mean, beyond arranged marriages and stuff).
If you don’t want to participate in hook-up culture..then don’t. Just because the internet says this is the norm now, doesn’t mean that it’s true. Ask that cute boy in your Psych class if he would like to grab lunch after class or tell that girl you work with that you’d love to hang out sometime. It’s not like the only way to meet people is to swipe right at 1 am. (It is right, isn’t it? I’ve never had Tinder)
Then there are those of you millennials who are absolutely in it for only one-night stands and booty calls. To you I say, keep doing you, honey. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for knowing what you want. Like I said, you are not some new and mythical beast that has descended on the planet to bring an end to marriage and monogamy. An often forgot about a piece of the Constitution (written in very small print on the back corner) says that we as Americans reserve the right to be “not looking for something serious.” As long and you and your partner are in mutual understanding of the terms, then you can do whatever you want.
Relationships have always been tricky territory. From “should I double text him?” to “I think he hath forgotten about me. It has been a fortnight since he last sent me sweet words by horse,” being on the same page and building a relationship with another person is hard. In our generation, it hasn’t gotten any easier, but it hasn’t gotten any harder. There will always be reasons that it didn’t work out with someone or why the two of you wanted different things. You can’t blame being a millennial or being able to stalk your ex on Facebook for your relationship troubles.
You’re so young. Just because you haven’t found the right person who has wants that align perfectly with yours doesn’t mean that they aren’t out there. In the meantime, hook up if you want to, or don’t, or go on dates with different people to see which one fits best, or sign up for a dating site, or be super single and not ever have to worry about what your crush is thinking. All the options that have always been there are still there.
The only thing you shouldn’t do is think that there’s no hope for whatever it is you’re looking for.